Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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