I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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