Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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