sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize