So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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