I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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