so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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