So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
