genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My vagina just clenched in fear
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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