I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
