I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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