"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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