This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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