so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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