Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
