i think my tv is drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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