we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
