Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
