My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize