ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
