true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
