this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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