Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
