About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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