Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize