Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
