I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
