I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
