That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So vagazzling was a success
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize