Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
