is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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