I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
