I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
