He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize