just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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