there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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