The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
