We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
