Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
