I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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