At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
