; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
