Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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