all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
