If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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