I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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