I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
