So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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