Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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