I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
