Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
