i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
