You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
