Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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