Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
