just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
