I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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