shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
