me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
