2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
