Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
