everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
