hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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