I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
