The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
