I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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