i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
