Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
