I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
